Tuesday, November 30, 2010

How about Jesus for Michigan's next head coach?

The blogoshpere and Michigan media in general have been polluted with specualtion about the head football coaching position at the University of Michigan. Peering deep into the crystal ball, I have finally come up with the perfect candidate: Jesus.

Michigan fans expect a miracle-worker: one who can turn this team into National Champions immediately. Jesus can do that. A quick look at how he would handle issues related to the team right now:

1. Personnel is undersized due to age.

No problem. With a wave of his hand, Jesus would instantly add twenty pounds of muscle to every player on the team.

2. Injuries.

This one is easy. Anyone who can heal the dead is more than capable of fixing an ankle, knee, or shoulder.

3. Getting everyone on the same page.

This one is a no-brainer. The main reason people still even remember Jesus is because he was able to get everyone on the same page: his page.

4. Confidence against better teams.

Once again, Jesus was the master of making people believe: both in him and themselves. Confidence would be no problem if the team knew Jesus was on their side.

5. Bad bounces.

Really? There is no such thing as a bad bounce when Jesus is in charge. Even if a bounce appears to be bad, it is later proven to be "God's will." and therefore good.

6. Bad calls.

Is any referee in the country going to disagree with Jesus?

7. Why not Harbaugh?

Because I have never seen a "what would Harbaugh do" sign, bracelet, t-shirt, or bumper sticker.

It is for these reasons that, if he is stupid enough to fire RR, I would implore DB to seriously consider Jesus for the head coaching position. I only see one negative aspect to hiring him:

The media would probably crucify him.

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