Tuesday, January 11, 2011

The Carr-tel reigns at Michigan

The Carr-tel has won. They have been rewarded for their sabotaging of RR's tenure at Michigan by having one of their own, Brady Hoke, named as head coach. This guarantees at least three more years of rebuilding, followed by as many years of mediocrity as whoever is running things by then can stomach.

Today's hiring virtually ensures that Michigan fans will continue to watch modern teams make the BCS title game, while wondering why Michigan never makes it. Over the years, we have blamed bad luck, bad referees, and bad timing for crushing losses, but the bottom line is that the old way of saying, "here we are, try to stop us" and then pushing other teams up and down the field doesn't work anymore, and hasn't worked since scholarships went down to 85 and cable allowed everyone to be on television.

If you love anachronistic, unimaginative football, you will love Brady Hoke. If you love seeing Michigan lose to teams with only one or two players who could make their depth chart, you will love Brady Hoke. If you think Lloyd Carr is the be-all and end-all of Michigan football, and that his face should be on Mt Rushmore, you will love Brady Hoke. Most of all, if you love watching Lloyd Carr pull the strings of a puppet coach, you will love Brady Hoke.

This hiring is the cruelest joke that has ever been perpetrated upon the Michigan fanbase. It proves that Lloyd Carr still has a lot of power at Michigan, and it proves that Mary Sue Coleman has had a lot more to say in this process than most of us think she did.

David Brandon and Mary Sue Coleman should both be fired today. They both had a chance to turn Michigan football into the "leaders and best" again, and instead chose to turn it into what will soon be one of the biggest jokes in college football.

Do you want to see Denard Robinson win a Heisman? Maybe it will happen at Auburn, but it won't happen at Michigan. Do you want to see Michigan end its losing streak against OSU? Sorry: it isn't happening anytime soon. Do you want to see what Michigan can do in the spread with upperclassmen on the field? It won't happen for at least ten years now.

This isn't Hoke's fault, and once the product is on the field, I will support him. I will continue to cheer for Michigan; I have since 1960 and it is too late to stop now. But today is not a time for blind optimism, nor is it a time for celebration: it is a time to grieve the loss of what might have been. Most of all, it is a time to hold Lloyd Carr, Mary Sue Coleman, and David Brandon accountable for their actions.

If this were a movie, Brady Hoke would come in, sieze the day, and Michigan would suddenly be a "player" on the national scene again. Their paleolithic offense would suddenly be the talk of college football, and the glut of spread teams playing for National Championships would fall by the wayside. Sadly for Michigan fans, this isn't a movie. And if it were, it would be something by Monty Python.

Thanks, David. Thanks, Mary Sue. Thanks, Lloyd. You have pretty much guaranteed that, without divine intervention, I won't see Michigan win another National Championship in my lifetime. You have guaranteed that the one half of a National Championship I got to witness in fifty years so far of following Michigan football is the only one I will ever see.

To further your selfish and parochial agenda, you have shattered the dreams of every Michigan football fan who wants to see Michigan play in the BCS title game, even if they don't know it yet. You have doomed the University of Michigan to be a quaint artifact of a bygone era, even as fans are dumping millions of dollars into your coffers in realtime.

You have all proven to be dishonest and incompetent. By your own standards, you should all be fired immediately. Security should usher all of you to the door without giving you a chance to empty your desks. None of you should ever be allowed to set foot on University of Michigan property again.

But that won't happen. Instead, it will be "business as usual." You will all talk about how you are going to "restore tradition to the University of Michigan." Sadly, though, that "tradition" involves chronic underachievement in BCS bowls, annual disappointment, and one National Championship in sixty years. The school deserves better. And the fans lining your pockets deserve better for their money.

You had a chance to give your fans better. And you failed miserably. May your karma be swift and just.

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